65 ways of being jobless in office without appearing to be so

This article is a must read for everyone who is just making it into the software industry. The genesis of this project goes back to one weary afternoon when I was discussing my latest project with an ex-colleague over phone. This was a time when I was twiddling my thumbs between two projects (as I obviously am now). In reply to her curiosity, I said, “I am researching on 65 ways of being jobless in office without appearing to be so” to her great hilarity. That was the seed that has resulted in this libelous (hope it is not!!!) article. While, as is usual in the industry, I will not be meeting the required number by a huge margin (I do not want to disclose all my patented techniques, otherwise my salary would be contested), I am endeavoring to list down some of the chartbusters among the said techniques. Most of you will have a lot to add to the techniques – please feel free to do so.

1) e-Books – For one who has a passion for reading, things don’t get any better. The best part of having this as your prime task is that people would assume the book you are reading is a tome required by all working professionals in the field. As no one does actually come close to your monitor to read what you are reading, this façade can be sustained for a very long time.

2) Training sessions – These are dream come true for the “bench-sitters”. In case you are one of them, my advice would be, “take all the training you can lay your hands on.” The advantages are manifold. Besides helping in the building of your CV, the training would also help in the interview stage. It would also help you keep sharp and up-to-date. Ok, now for the honest reasons – it gives you good chance to sleep while still giving the appearance of being busy. It is these facades that are important. If you are not invited to training, no problem; organize some of your own – call any senior to talk (everyone loves the sound of their voice); this would also give the impression that you are a go-getter (another corporate term whose meaning is foggy at best).

3) Networking-I (Moving across to various workstations) – I have heard that companies in the Western countries provide 2 hrs of every 8 to the employee for networking. Their Indian counterparts have gone a step forward – they provide the entire day sometimes. Use this time optimally. No problem if you are the most seen guy in the office. Only ensure that you are not perceived to be gossiping, and gossiping to the same set of people. Diversification is the corporate mantra and you are expected to talk on diverse topics to the entire cross section of people.

4) Networking-II (Breaks at different places and with different people) – This is another side to the coin for which the above was one side. Going around in the office would make it obvious to the more observant (I mean those guys who are as jobless as you), so you are advised this every once in a while. Besides satiating your taste buds, you might also end up with a feast for your eyes; this should be high on the priority list on a lazy afternoon.

5) Improving communication skills (read as reading/writing blogs) – With networking being the fad of this season, this would be a good way to exhaust the time in your hands. Features such as Google Reader allow you to follow your fav blogs in spite of restrictions on the blogging sites.

6) Increasing the breadth of knowledge (read web browsing) – There is no need for any comment on this. It is the obvious act of an idle mind in the current sedentary lifestyle.

7) Wealth multiplier (playing in the stock market/day trading) – Although I have titled it as wealth multiplier, it could as well turn out to be the wealth diminisher. Playing in stocks, options etc gives a high though and sets you up as the in-house wealth manager. Not a bad position to be; in a rising market, that is.

8) The power of Re- (Better Documentation) – If a picture is worth a thousand words, then the strip below is worth a thousand pictures. Thank you Mr. Scott

9) Time management – And here is the key skill to master – be it in days you are snowed with work or those dry days when even a hint of dew brings raptures in your mind and hectic work becomes stuff of dreams. While you have tomes after hefty tomes dealing with the former phenomenon, the world has left it to me to fill up the vacuum in literature regarding the latter. What I have to offer to you is, by any standards, a meager helping of advice, most of it plain commonsense. Aspects of time management like coming an hour late to the office, leaving an hour early, long lunch breaks, periodic half day leave and at times of agonizingly long week, a full day leave are present commonly in our collective psyche. I restrict myself to these (hey, let me have material for further posts!!!).

10) Knowledge upgrade – And I didn’t mean anything remotely caustic here. I mean, all of us need to keep working on our knowledge levels right? For once why don’t you stop reading this post and GET BACK TO DOING SOME USEFUL WORK :)