Have I made it large?

“Have I made it large?” ask a multitude of media-proclaimed biggies in a commercial for a leading beverage. And thanks to the blitzkrieg of advertising unleashed and the fact that I am at an age where such a questions uncomfortably confront you, this seems to be my last thought every night. Have I made it large? Am I a success? Or at least, am I on my way to success?

The lack of sleep affecting me, it is time to answer this question; to look at the truth in its face, unappealing though it may be. So, am I a success story? Or am I one of the “also-rans”? To answer this question, its time I got a definite view on success.

My understanding of success has been changing over time – evolving over time, I would like to say, but who am I to give an opinion on my own opinion. In the early days, success meant capturing the single spot – be it the rankers’ spot or prize in the multitude of competitions organized. Success was very clear those days – it was a race where a multitude of young minds (and bodies) strove to achieve a single prized spot; the winner succeeded, the rest were still on the road to success.

I outgrew my fascination for this numero uno when I realized that it was a result of an artificial scarcity created in order to inculcate competition as an intrinsic parameter to measure success; nothing stops them from creating more than one spot, I reasoned. Convinced about the soundness of my reasoning, I went about looking for another way to parameterize success.

I was a new entry into the corporate world and the swagger of the hefty pockets astounded me. That was when I convinced that money could be used as a good proxy for success. Afterall, wasn’t money the key driver of every decision in this world – be it war or peace, change or continuity? “Dhana moolam idam jagath” and there was no doubt about that. And thus convinced, I wholeheartedly became a part of the rat race.

Yet, there was a sense of foreboding, a disquiet in a corner of my conscience that troubled me. And subdued voice became a mighty roar when the multiple cans of worms – in the forms of Satyam, 2G, CWG, Radia tapes or the multitude others – opened up. I was bewildered at how people who were at the very pinnacle bit dust and became pariahs overnight. My definition was obviously flawed.

The proof of the pudding lies in eating, or so they say. An ingenious notion struck me, “Why don’t I collate the names of all whom I consider successful and order them based on their success. I can look upon the factors influencing this order and then parameterize success – let me take a statistical/modeling approach to life”. Quickly grabbing a paper I made a list; and to make sure it was an unbiased sample, I put in personalities from all fields and walks of life. Only to realize that I had moved from a puddle to a quagmire. Who is more successful – Gandhi, Hitler, Osama bin Laden, Steve Jobs or Mother Teresa? Each has influenced a large section of population, put up new ideas, altered the course of history and in short, impacted all our lives in many ways unmanifested as yet.

So here I am, my mind turning my life into a series of conundrums that it creates for its pleasure and subsequently solves, to its great pleasure. Yet, I wonder, do we as a society, have an unhealthy obsession to success? Maybe, success is over-rated. Maybe, it was a myth created when ideas of civilization took shape, to ensure that people get so engrossed in the pursuit of this "will-o-wisp” that they donot have time to challenge the ideas. Maybe, its time to take another look and redefine the objective of life. Or maybe, I am losing my bonkers. Maybe …..